


I'm here with you, Jude.

by DemonIGot_PeopleAreCrazy



Category: Hit the Floor (TV), Zude - Fandom
Genre: AU-Alternate Universe, Brain tumor, M/M, Sick!Jude, Zero is not a human, jude is sick, major plot twist, the author chose not to use archive warnings so that the readers can't guess what happen next, the author is not a doctor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2018-07-29 17:07:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7692607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DemonIGot_PeopleAreCrazy/pseuds/DemonIGot_PeopleAreCrazy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jude thinks it is just a simple headache. Only to find out that it is not. </p><p>A blond stranger helps him along his way of recovery.</p><p>Is it possible that there are more feelings to be discover or will they just keep it in and never acknowledge it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a doctor, guys, so please forgive me if there is anything wrong. I only relies on google with the information. 
> 
> Oh, and English is not my first language. Just so you know. But I'm learning, though.

It was raining heavily and there were very few people outside. Unfortunately, Jude was one of these people. He cursed as another cab passed him. He had tried hailing a cab for like thirty minutes and until now, three had passed him as they already have passengers.

Jude hugged himself as tight as he could. It was getting colder and he was wet from all the running to this bus stop. Sure, it did provide shelter and prevented him from the harsh rain, but what was the point? He was already soaked to the bones. 

Jude regretted for not taking his friend's invitation to drive him back home. He had carpooled with him earlier as his car was down on the workshop, getting repair and he was still immersed in his work when his friend asked him, so he had told the guy that he would be taking a cab. 

'And look at what happens now!' he thought, getting pissed. He was cold, wet and hungry, of course he would be angry. Not to mention he didn't like the lightnings and thunders. Not that he scared, of course. What kind of a grown man who was scared of the thunder and lightning of all things?

Suddenly, there was a quick light and Jude barely cupped both of his ears when the unmistakable sound of thunder came. And embarrassingly, he squeaked.

Okay, fine. He was afraid of thunder and lightning.

Finally, ten minutes later he thanked the lucky star when he saw a cab at a distance. Even though it was still raining and hard to see everything approximately 7 feets away from his spot, the light of the cab sign thankfully gave away its direction. 

Jude sprinted to the cab, making a sign for the driver to stop and prayed to god that the driver actually saw him and that there wasn't any passangers already in the cab. He almost cried in relief as the cab did stop in front of him. He got into the back seat as quickly as he could and thanked the driver but before he could pull the door close, it yanked open and a man suddenly threw himself in. Jude almost got squished if he wasn't quick enough to frantically scoot away. The man shut the door surely before sheepishly turned to face Jude like he was expecting Jude to scold him. Well, probably so if he didn't give a damn good reason. Jude was tired as hell and he didn't need another thing to be thrown at him.

"I'm sorry but it's raining outside and uh.. do you mind if I share with you? I seriously want to go back home." Then, to the driver he said, "I'll pay double."

The driver shrugged like he didn't care at all like there wasn't exactly two men who were surely soaking his backseat right now, no doubt stinking it. "Works fine by me."

Jude looked at the man beside him. He was like him- wet and really wanted to go home. "Sure. I don't mind at all." He shrugged. Besides, he wasn't a bad guy after all.

Jude didn't know that a smile could be that hypnotic. With the crinkles at the corner of his eyes as he smiled, not to forget the blond hair that looked so soft and silky even though it was flattened by the rain, it looked kind of.. cute. And those clavicles.. and wow. Did he just oogled the man? He didn't,  okay. He was just.. making sure that the man was not a mugger or anything. Yup. That was it. 

Jude quickly adverted his eyes, hoping that it was not obvious he was oog- no, making sure that the man was not a bad man. It didn't, if the way the man smirked was any indication. He didn't call out Jude on it though, instead he gave Jude an appreciative once over and winked at him before giving the driver his adress. Jude realised after he had gotten over the fact- that the sexy blond had just checked him out and fucking winked at him!- that it was in his area too. Jude told the driver his adress and the sexy blond- damn, he needed to know this man's name- looked surprised by this.

"Oh! We live in the same neighbourhood!  How come I have never seen you before?"

"Don't know but maybe it's because I'm a busy man. You know,  going to work at 7 and then come back home late in the evening kind of thing." Jude shrugged. 

The sexy blond whistled, "Tough schedule you got there. Can I know what kind of job you're working?" Then, he added hastily as an afterthought, "Oh, wait. Where's my manners? I'm Zero by the way." The sexy blond- Zero- extended his hand towards Jude.

Jude accepted it and shook it in bussiness-like manner. "I'm Jude. Jude Kincade. Nice to meet you, uhh.. Zero?" He raised an eyebrow. Seriously, who the hell named their son 'Zero' after all? What kind of name was that?

Zero laughed, "I know what you're thinking. 'What a weird name' and all of that. Everyone calls me Zero." He shrugged like he was merely stating a simple fact.

Jude smiled. "Okay then, Zero." He tasted the word on his tongue and decided that he like it. He thought it suits the man somehow- it was cool despite the actual meaning of the word.

"So..?" Zero started but looking at Jude's confused face he continued, "You still don't answer my question."

"Oh! I'm a sport's agent." Jude said, a little bit proud. He came all the way from nothing to where he was now to get his father to actually see him. It was a long way.

"Oh, that's cool!" Zero said, smiling.

"Well, how about you?" Jude thought it was polite for him to ask back. Besides, he was interested to know.

"I'm a gym trainer."

"Wow. That's cool." Jude said genuinely. 

"Thank you.." Zero said. "You can go to the gym I work at. I can be your trainer." He offered as an afterthought. 

"Well, I don't know. I mean.. I'm not that kind of person who exercise much." Not with his line of work. Being a sport's agent was not easy. It was exhausting physically and emotionally- you needed to attend a meeting here and there with clients and doing thousands of phone calls and sleepless night of planning. It was not like he could have some time to himself. 

"Okay, then. But if you ever change your mind, go to the gym called 'Fitness Club'. It's three blocks down the road." Zero said easily.

"Okay." 

Jude was the first one who got out of the cab, seeing as they reached his apartment first. He paid the driver his share before getting out of the cab. Fortunately, the rain was not as bad as before. He was about to shut the door when Zero called out to him, "Bye, Jude! Nice meeting you! Hope we'll meet again." 

He smiled even though he didn't think Zero saw it. "Bye! You too, Zero!" He said genuinely. It had been so long since he had someone to talk with like that.

\---

Jude sighed and gently but with a little force, smoothed the lines on his forehead. His whole body was tense. Cursing for the umpteenth time -to who he didn't know, maybe the universe-, he stood slowly and had to stop for a while as the rush of dizziness came through him and then walked to the kitchen to search for aspirin for his headache.

He had been sick for two days now that he have to do his work from home. Sick or not, he still got so much things to do, to please the client here and there. At first he dismissed it as a migraine that he got from a flu, seeing that the last day he was out was when it was raining like motherfucker. But until now, it still didn't cease, instead the hurt intensify. Although it comes and goes, it was still fucking annoying.

Found the said drugs, he ripped off the packet and downed three tablets with a glass of water. He didn't go back to do what he had neglected on his coffee table, instead he sat down on the chair at the kitchen counter, suddenly feeling how tired he actually was. 

Maybe he should go to the hospital- get check up, swallow his medicine, get better and then he can go back to do his work.

\---

Jude ended up going to the hospital in the afternoon. Turned out he had fell asleep in his spot at the kitchen counter. Strange. He didn't even remember getting sleepy at all. One second he was staring at his hands on the counter, the next second he woke up and it was already afternoon. 

Maybe he really was more exhausted that he thought. And with that he decided to take a cab to avoid any possible incident seeing as he was not in any state to drive. 

\---

Zero jogged towards him while he was slumping on the bus stop seat. Jude didn't even realise until the blond stood directly in front of him, waving a hand in his face.

"Zero! What-what are you doing here?" He looked up, startled. Jude started looking around him in case if any cab was around before he moved his attention back to the blond.

Zero smiled. "I was just on my way home from the mall and I saw you here." The smile fell of his face (Jude was sad to see that. He was just starting to admire the man's smile) as he regarded Jude slowly, "Are you okay, Jude? What are you doing here? Waiting for a cab?"

Jude tried to nod but his head suddenly started to sting, so he sort of did a weird jerky motion with his head that one could easily passed it as muscle spasm had they not looking at Jude closely. He groaned as he rubbed the tense lines on his forehead. Then he felt his hand being pushed away gently and being replaced by other hand that he sure was not his. He let out a content sigh as the fingers- the intelligent fingers- gently smoothed his tension lines. It felt calming.

"Are you sick? Do you want me to bring you to the hospital?" He heard Zero ask.

"Yeah. I think I'm down with something. Flu maybe?" Jude said."And no it's fine. I don't want to bother you or something." He added when he caught on Zero's last sentence.

"I don’t mind. If it bothers me I wouldn't ask you in the first place." Zero said as he tried to pull Jude off his seat to -which Jude thought- his car. When he saw Jude hesistating, he sighed. "Come on. You know what actually bothers me? It's that I can't get you to the hospital. I'll be guilty if I just leave you here by yourself seeing you can't even stand straight." He insisted and Jude reluctantly allowed Zero to pull him up and guided him to the car. Zero was right. He couldn't even stand straight let alone walk without someone's help.

"Nice car." Jude commented as he eyed the black Porsche with interest.

"Thanks. Spent a lot for it too." Zero said, laughing.

The car ride was not awkward at all. They made a small talk before Zero dropped Jude off right at the hospital front and drove away to search for a parking. He caught on with Jude when the latter was waiting for his name to be call. It was late in the evening, so there was not much people here.

Jude was surprised when Zero sat down beside him. He thought the blond man had already left the hospital and was in his way to his home. Apparently, not. Jude didn't ask why. If he was in Zero's shoes, he would have done the same. He wouldn't just leave a sick person by themself after dropping them at the hospital. 

When Jude's name was called, he slowly stood and started to walk towards the nurse who called him but Zero caught his wrist.

"Are you okay going there by yourself? I can accompany you if you want." Zero offered as he looked up at Jude from his seat. He looked like a child who begged his mother to stay with him.

Jude was grateful for the thought, really, but he was a grown ass man and he could do this by himself. "Thank you, Zero, but I think I can handle it from here." He said as he turned to look at the nurse who was still waiting for him patiently, completely missing over the look that crossed over Zero's face.

"I need to go." Jude gently pulled his hand away and walked towards the nurse. As the nurse ushered him into the hallway, he looked over his shoulder and gave Zero a reassuring smile, who looked like he wanted to run toward him at any second and follow him like an over affectionate puppy.

He was greeted by a doctor that look around his father's age. Almost the same height, same features that almost scared the shit out of him but one look at those warm eyes with the crinkles at the edge as the doctor smiled at him- easy and comforting. A hundred percent opposite from Oscar. It was making Jude's heart ached a little.

"Good evening, young man. Please have a seat." The doctor- Dr. Franklin as Jude read the name plate on his desk- stood, gestured Jude to the seat beside his desk and held out his hand good naturedly.

Jude accepted the hand and shook it once before he sat down on the chair, "Thank you."

"You're very much welcome. So, what is it that brings you here?" The doctor went straight to the point.

"I uh.. I think I'm going down with something. I had headache- sometimes they were bad and sometimes it was bareable. At first I though it was a flu because of the rain two days ago but when I thought of it, I didn't have any of the symptoms. Just headaches." Jude blurted out. He wanted whatever it was that was messing up in him gone. The doctor reminded of his life mission.

"Hmm.. Let's see what it actually is. Lean toward me a little, so that I can check your breathing."

Jude obeyed and let the doctor did his job- checking breathing, temperature, his throat, etc. 

"Well, you are a little bit warm but it might be a slight fever but I don't see why it is giving you the headache." Said Dr. Franklin, looking thoughtful. He then prodded Jude's head gently with his fingers to see if there was any bruises or bumps. "Have you had any accident earlier-like you fell off and accidentally hit your head against a hard surface?"

"No." Jude said.

"Are there any other thing you feel other than the headache?"

Jude took a while to answer as he thought. "I feel tired these days. Not that kind of after the run tired but the bone weak kind of exhaustion but I think that's just because of stress."

"Well, if you say so.. Does your everyday life from before the headaches are stressful to you?"

"They were sometimes.." Jude admitted tentatively, not sure where this would be going.

"Did you have any of those headaches like you had now those days?"

"No, not really. Just migraines that were gone when I slept it off." Jude said.

Seeing the doctor silent for a while, Jude quickly added, "I don't lie! I do have headaches and I really do feel tired like I'm sick and can't even move." He didn't want the doctor to misunderstand that he was lying to get an MC or whatever. Hell, it was the last thing on his list ever. He had so much thing going on with his life -90% of it is about his job- that he could not afford to be sick.

"Son, I know." Dr. Franklin started, firm and kind. "This is not a normal thing and I can't point out what it is. I think you need a full check up." He nodded to himself as if agreeing to his own hypothesis.

"I'll send you to have a MRI scan." He said to Jude and smiled soothingly when he saw the latter's eyes went big.

"But before that, did you have any scan or x-ray for the past few months?"

"Uh.. No?" Jude said, not getting where this would be going.

"Is that a no or yes?"

"No. Last time I had an x-ray was when I broke my arm in highschool."

"Okay. That means you are clear for the scan then."

\----

Zero got up from his seat at a breakneck pace as soon as Jude came out to the waiting. The nurse who followed him barely began to speak when Zero caught on to them. She smiled in understanding at Zero as if it was a normal occasion. Considering the place they were at, it made sense.

"You can sit down first. We'll inform you as soon as we get the greenlight from the MRI doctor." She said before leaving them alone.

Jude thanked her a bit distracted as he was thinking about the possiblity of the result he will get after the scan. Zero could sense that Jude needed a moment alone, so he gently guided Jude back to the chair they sat earlier without any word. After a while, Jude looked up at Zero. 

"The doctor. He still doesn't found anything that causes my symptoms." He told Zero. The latter had been so nice to him, at least he deserved to know what happened. "He. Uh.. He told me to get a MRI scan."

Zero's hand on Jude's shoulder halted for a couple of seconds and then it moved to rubbed circles on Jude's back. "I'm sure there's nothing to be worried about. It-" Zero paused, he might be searching for the right words. "-It might be just a headache and fatigue that have been misdiagnosed."

"Thanks but still.." Jude started. "Why do I need MRI scan for this? Isn't that for something more-" he gulped, "-serious?"

His head was starting to hurt again.

"You shouldn't think about that right now. Don't stress yourself further." Although Zero spoke with a gentle tone, Jude felt like he was being scolded somehow. Taking Zero's advice, he decided to change the topic. "You can go now if you want. I think this will take a while."

An odd look appeared on Zero's face, "Do you want me to go?"

'No.' Jude thought but he didn't say it. Zero's presence was really helpful but he couldn't be selfish. The blond probably have something else to do. "Don't you need to be somewhere else?"

Zero snorted. "Go to where exactly. I have nothing else to do right now, so I might as well stay with you." He said easily and shrugged.

"But I'll be taking your time.." Jude tried to not keep his hope up.

"It's fine, Jude. I don't mind." Zero said while looking straight into Jude's eyes. Seeing the determine look, Jude stopped pushing. He played with his hands on his lap. It have been so long since someone was there for him. After his mom died years ago, he had no one else who was close enough to even just be there for him. Oscar won't even look at him let alone accompany him. He always wondered what it would be if his father was there to spend his time with. Like what son and dad did- throwing softball among each other in the park, washing car together or even having the birds and the bees talk. But the thing is, he was not there. Didn't even look at him like he knew him. It was like talking to a stranger who had a grudge against him. He tried to change it but it still hadn't change anything yet.

"Thanks." Jude said genuinely, voice wavering. To think that this man who he only met less than a week was willingly to stay by his side instead of his father..

Jude turned to blink the tears off. He was glad that Zero didn't comment on it but he felt the grip on his shoulder tighten for couple of seconds before the patting on his back started again. Seriously. He was grateful.

\---

Having already changed in the hospital gown, Jude sat on the table bed. He anxiously played with his hands while waiting for the doctor.

"It will be fine." Zero said comfortingly as he turned back to Jude. He had politely turned the other way to give Jude privacy as he refused to go out of the room and leave Jude alone. Jude appreciated the thought. Besides, it was kind of.. sweet.

"Thanks."

"Your welcome." Zero said easily as he looked at Jude.

'Is he checking me over?' Jude suddenly felt self-concious as he was uncomfortably exposed. Thanks to the wide opening of the gown at his back and the length of the material which was just shy at his knees which also meant his bare legs was for everyone to see and stare at.

"You look great, Jude."

"Gee, thanks." Jude said sarcastically. He was not like Zero-all muscly and abs.

"No, really. I think you look great, Jude." Zero insisted. At Jude's sceptical look, he added, "And cute too."

Jude sputtered. "I'm not cute!" Really, what kind of man who liked to be called cute?

"Yes, you are!"

Jude covered his face with both of his hands.

"Aww.."

"Shut up." Jude would forever denied that it came out as a whine. He didn't do whine.

Zero laughed. Jude pulled his hands away to properly glare at Zero which he was failing as his face was still red. Zero laughed again and it was contagious as Jude found himself laughing with him, having failed at keeping his face straight.

Unfortunately, the happy mood didn’t last long as the sound of someone clearing their throat interrupted them. Both of them snapped their heads toward the intruder which was a nurse. Instantly, the smile fell off Jude's face.

"Uhm.. The room is ready for you, Mr. Kincade." The nurse stuttered, obviously uncomfortable being stared at.

"Oh.. Okay, thanks. Let's go." Jude said, getting into his second defence mechanism- business-like attitude. 

"I'm here with you." Zero comforted him. This time, Jude didn't try to push him away.

\-------

His ears were ringing. He vaguely realised everything around him. It was like he was seeing movement around him minus the sound. He acknowledged that much before his mind started to go to its defensive mood- to the safe place in his mind. However, he was violently brought back to the real world by a rough shaking. Jude startled, looking up at the body hovering over him who he suspected was the one responsible. It was Zero.

At Jude's startle, Zero's hands which were gripping both of Jude's biceps stopped and the grips lessened a bit but Zero didn't let go.

"Are you okay, Jude?" Zero asked carefully.

Jude looked up at him. "What?"

Zero put a comforting hand on Jude's shoulder. "Are you okay?" He repeated.

Jude didn't answer Zero's question. "I.. I have what?" He asked no one in particular.

"You have developed a malignant tumor in your brain, Mr. Kincade." The doctor, Lionel- for some sick reason her last name was also Kincade- spoke gently, even went as far as squatting in front of him and took his hands in her. Of course she was used to this. Working in her field, she had seen many reactions but that didn't mean it would make this any easier.

"It's not in any dangerous place. You can still be saved with a surgery. We will get rid as many of the tumor as possible but after that you will still need to undergo some treatment to make sure that the cancer cells will be gone conpletely." The doctor explained gently. She knew how hard it was to accept this fact.

"I- I don't understand.. I'm still young."

"Jude.." Zero started but Dr. Lionel cut him.

"Jude, I know it's hard for you to think about but that is what it is. Even young people have it." She said carefully, dropping the last name. "I want to know what you want to do. Do you want to undergo the surgery? I specifically advice you to do so." She adviced.

"What if I don't want to? Will I be dead?" Jude asked shakily.

"That is, if you want to put it that way. The tumor will still be growing." Dr. Lionel explained.

"I- I think I'm gonna go with the surgery." Jude said tentatively.

"Are you sure, Mr. Kincade? Is this your decision?" Dr. Lionel went back to the serious doctor mood.

"Yeah."

"Alright, then. I'll schedule the surgery immediately."

"Sounds great." Jude said tiredly. 

Dr. Lionel put a hand on his shoulder. "Things are going to be better."

Jude looked up at Zero and saw the latter gave him a comforting smile even though there was a hint of sadness in it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that some of it is a little bit weird but that because it is from Jude's point of view (mainly). Zero's point of view (which will be the second series or might just the next, next, next chapter) will make it all clear.

Jude opened his eyes only to shut it due to the harsh, unforgiving light. He heard the sound of footsteps and then blinds being closed and silently gave a thankful prayer to whoever responsible. He opened his eyes again and saw a blurry shape in front of him. The room was dim but Jude swore the figure looked like an angel. The figure started to sharpen little by little and unfortunately it was not what he thought it was. It was Zero. 

"Hey." Zero said, smiling. It was breathtaking. Jude did not care if it was Zero. He was close enough to an angel for him. He could wake up like this everyday.

"Hey." Jude croacked. God. He sounded like a frog that just had an opera concert.

"Here." Zero turned around to get a cup of ice chips in the mini freezer and fed one to Jude. "Doc said these are fine for you but you still can't take anything solid yet." He said as he fed another to Jude. "Do you want some water instead?"

"No. This is fine. How long was I out?"

"You-" Zero did not get to finish as Dr. Lionel entered the room- no doubt had been paged by Zero earlier.

"I see that you're awake. How do you feel, Mr. Kincade?" Dr. Lionel asked as she wrote something on his pad.

"A little bit whoozy but I'm fine. I feel nothing actually. And please, you have seen my insides, call me Jude."

The doctor smiled. "It's good to hear that, Jude. Now I'm going to do a neurological observation to see your brain condition."

"Okay." Jude said.

"After this, there will be nurses who will do neurological observation for certain hours until we're satisfied with your brain activities."

"Okay. How long was I out?"

"It has been two days since surgery. You woke up several times but you weren't lucid. I'm not surprised if you don't remember that."

Jude scrunched his face as he tried to remember. Then, he sighed. "You're right. I don't."

Finished and satisfied with her observation, she said, "Your brain activity is fine for now. We will continue to monitor you for this week and see its progress."

"So, it basically means that I'm stuck here for a week?"

"Yes and maybe for a few more days afterward until we're sure that you're really fine to be discharged. But even then you still need to be under someone's care."

Under someone's care? 'Who?' Jude thought. He did not have his mom or Oscar anymore. He did not have a family. He did not even have any friend to be considered- they were only his co-workers. But Jude did not dwell on it for too long. He was starting to feel tired even though he practically did nothing at all. 

"Now I see that you need your rest, I'll leave both of you alone. Remember, Jude. You can't strain yourself. It is safe for you to just lie flat for a few days."

Jude made a face. He could hear Zero's laugh beside him although he could not see his face as he was looking at the doctor- it took too much energy to just move his head- but he was sure the blond was laughing at his reaction.

Dr. Lionel smiled. "I know it's boring to just lie down  
and do nothing. The nurses will move your arms and legs frequently to keep them mobile and to help your circulation. But I let you do things that doesn't strain you."

Jude perked up at that. Dr. Lionel laughed. "If you follow my instructions well, the faster you will be back on your own two feet."

Jude sighed. He knew the doctor was right but he had been working his ass off for years. He was so used to have something to do and now he's suddenly forbidden to do anything at all.

"Fine. How about reading?"

Dr. Lionel considered his request. "I don't think that is good in your recovery. You'll strain your arms and neck reading it."

"Then how am I supposed  
to read it? I can't just watch tv all day. It's boring." Jude's head was starting to hurt. He heard Dr. Lionel's urgent voice, "This is what I'm afraid of, Jude- you strain yourself. Relax. Take a deep breath. Good. Release it. Take a deep breath again... Good. And release it.."

Jude followed the doctor's order. 

"Sorry." Jude said sheepishly as he had calmed down.

"You need to be more careful from now on." Dr. Lionel reprimanded him before she did the neurological observation thingy again. After she was done, she straightened  herself and wrote something on her pad. "You're lucky that everything is fine. Please restrain yourself from doing that again."

"Okay. I'm sorry." Jude said, feeling guilty. It was like deja vu- like he was a kid who was scolded by his mom. He was just trying to voice out his thought.

"Now-now. What's with that face? I'm sure you didn't mean it. I understand." She sighed. "Fine, find something to entertain you that doesn't involve you straining yourself." She said as if she was bargaining with a child. 

"I can read for you if you want." Zero piped up after he had been silence for so long. Even Jude forgot that he was there.

"There you go. Now if everything is settled, I leave you two alone." Dr. Lionel said happily as the problems were solved. "And remember, Jude. Don't. Strain. Yourself. Understood?" 

"Yes. Dr." Jude said. If he had more energy he would've saluted her.

"Good. Now, rest." She said to Jude. "And you-" She looked pontedly at Zero. "- keep an eye on him."

"Aye- aye, captain." Zero mock-saluted her.

Satisfied, the doctor left the two alone. As the door clicked shut, immediately Zero was in Jude's line of sight.

"Are you really okay, Jude?" Zero asked. His voice and face did not hide the concern and worry.

"I'm fine. Sorry for scaring you earlier." Jude apologised. Zero must be really worried. Who would not when someone who had just undergone a brain surgery almost relapsed in front of them? Jude felt guilty for causing it.

Zero sighed in relief. "Please don't do that again. I only have one fragile heart." He said as he dramatically clutched the part of his shirt where his heart was.

Jude chuckled. "Alright. I'm sorry. But you don't need to do this."

"Do what?" Zero asked, confused. 

"This. Read books for me. Seriously, I'm glad and thankful that you're here but I can't stop feeling guilty that I'm taking your time."

Zero nodded in understanding. "I get it . But it's fine. You don't need to worry. I want to be here. The truth is, you remind me of someone."

"Who?" Jude was curious.

Zero held his breath and sighed like he was bracing himself for whatever he was going to say. "My sister, Laura. She had a cancer. When we found out, she was already in stage four. We couldn't do anything other than slowing down the cancer with chemo. She died a couple of months later." Zero said solemnly.

Jude symphatised with Zero. He knew how hard it was to lose someone you love. He slowly raised his hand to take Zero's. Zero saw it and met his halfway. They held onto each other's silently. Jude offered a silent strength for Zero.

Zero continued. "We lost our parents when we were teenagers. It was only me and Laura. She was stubborn, you know. She tried to show that the cancer did nothing on her even though it was so obvious. She looked like a zombie as the times went by until there were times when she could barely move. But she didn't show it. She was tough like that." Zero smiled at the thought of her. Jude tightened his grip on Zero's hand and Zero looked at him, smiling gratefully. Jude smiled back.

"So, what I'm trying to say is- I was there with her all the time and I know how lonely it is. You remind me so much of her that I just can't let you go through that alone. And, no. You aren't taking my time. And I don't have someone to return to. I live alone. I'm here with my own will and I want to be here for you."

Jude was touched, really. He could not remember anyone other than his mom had said that to him with such sincerity and honesty. That was the first time someone have ever said that to him and meant it.   
Zero reached out and wiped of the tears that fell from Jude's eyes. Wow. He did not even realised he was crying. "Don't cry.." Zero said while keep wiping the tears off. Jude let him.

Jude looked at Zero and saw tears glistened in the blond's eyes. "You too."

Zero smiled at Jude a bit oddly as he was trying not to cry. "So, can you let me stay by your side and not to ask that question again?"

Jude tightened his grip and gently caressed Zero's hand with his thumb. 

"Okay."

****

"Here." Zero dumped a soft blanket on Jude's lap and sat beside the latter on the sofa. 

"Thanks." Jude shifted to lie on the sofa but before he could put his head on the armrest, Zero pulled him so that he rested his head on the blond's lap instead.

"You'll cramp your neck if you lie like that." 

"Thanks for caring." Jude said. He did not mean to be sarcastic, he meant it genuinely. Even though he was startled at first, he was not surprised by Zero's act. It had been three days since he had been released from the hospital and who knows that Zero could be such a mother hen?

Jude felt his beanie being pulled off, exposing his bald head. He let out a content sigh when he felt his bare scalp was gently massaged. 

"Comfy?" Zero somehow managed to sound amused and concern at the same time.

"Uhuh."

The blond continued his massage for a while before he got bored and started to run his fingers lightly on Jude's scalp.

Jude chuckled. "It tickles."

Zero laughed. "I think your hair is starting to grow."

"Really?" Jude ran his fingers on his scalp curiously.

"Mhmm.. I can feel it. It's like when you don't shave for a day or two."

"You're right. I can feel it too."

They continued to watch whatever-it-was in silence before Zero broke it. "So, what is your plan for tomorrow?"

Jude thought about it for a while. "Hmm.. I don't know." He was content enough just sitting and laying down like this. He could live with this everyday. It was enough as long as Zero was with him. And just how did that thought came up? It was not like Zero was his boyfriend or something. Zero was his... friend? Jude did not know. They did not really put a label on their relationship. It was already there but it was still unknown. 

Okay. What did Zero said in the hospital? 

*"I am your guardian angel."*

Oh, yeah. That was what he said.

*****

"Once upon a time..." Zero narrated with a British accent in which he failed fantastically at.

Jude chuckled, "Really?"

"Hey! It's my story. I can say whatever I damn well please." Zero said as he fed Jude another spoonful of Jello. Jude's bed was propped up a little- just raising his upper body a little but still not making Jude straining himself by sitting.

"Alright-alright. But seriously, 'Once upon a time'? I feel like I'm a four years old who is about to get tuck in by his mother."

Zero laughed. "Fine. Can I start now?" Zero folded his arms on his chest, looking like a petulant child (although he was careful to not spill the Jello.)

Jude brought a cup of water that he was holding close to his mouth so that he could drink it with the straw. He could only raise his arms a few times though, still did not have much energy for that. "Okay. You may continue." Jude said with British accent, surprisingly nailed it. He did not go around pleasing clients for nothing. 

"Show off." Zero muttered loud enough for Jude to hear. Jude chuckled. "Come on. Continue."

"Okay-okay. Ready?" He did not wait for Jude's respond. "Once upon a time.." Zero dragged his last word, looking pointedly at Jude.

Jude nodded once, urging him to continue.

"There's this guy. Wait. He's not exactly a human. He's an angel. A guardian angel."

Jude snorted. Great. Now he really felt like a four years old girl.

Zero shushed him. "Where was I? Okay. There's this guardian angel. He was tasked to guide a kid. His name is.. Jeremy. One day, Jeremy had an accident which resulted him into coma. He was in that state for almost two months and this angel was tasked to bring the boy back."

"Wait. Is this some sort of other world?"

"Kind of. He was.. deep inside his own conscience.  This angel found him playing around by himself in a big field. It was so peaceful over there. They said the mind of a kid is pure. Hasn't been tainted by anything yet. Anyway, the guardian angel met the kid and they played for a while and then the angel said that they need to go back, that his mom missed him. And then, Jeremy cried and wailed about how he missed his mom so much. And then, the guardian angel brought him back to the real world. The end." 

Jude stared at him.

Zero stared back. "What?"

Jude threw him an incredulous look. "That's it?"

Zero shrugged. "Well, yeah. That's it. Look. I'm bad at telling and reciting stories to people, okay? At least I tried." Zero pouted, folding his arms on his chest like a petulant child.

Jude took pity on him. "Well, at least the story plot is nice."

Zero stayed still. 

"Oh, come on. Don't be like that. Zero~ Hey, Zero~"

Zero huffed and looked at the opposite direction but Jude saw that he was trying to hide his smile. 

"Hey, Zero."

"What?"

"Next time just bring books."

"Shut up."

Jude laughed.

They were silent after that, each of them lost in their thoughts. Jude felt exhausted. Zero noticed. He adjusted the hospital bed to 180, so that Jude was lying comfortably. 

"Thanks." Jude said sleepily.

"Your welcome."

"Hey, Zero."

"Yeah?"

"Are you still mad at me?" Jude picked on bis bed comforter.

Zero paused in his way of tucking Jude in his blanket. Jude sounded like a child who had been caught stealing cookies from a jar.

"No, Jude. I'm never mad at you. What happened earlier was just a joke." Zero said softly, caressing Jude's cheek.

Jude looked at him, searching for any trace of lies. When he did not found any, he smiled in relief. Zero smiled back.

"Thank god. I don't have any friend that I could joke with. I don't know the boundaries."

"It's fine, Jude. Besides, who says you doesn't have a friend. I'm right here."

Jude eyes went wide in surprise but then he thought about how Zero had been with him from he was first diagnosed with the cancer until now. "Yeah, I guess you are."

"Wait. Come to think about it, I think I'm more than that." Zero said, grinning.

Jude looked at Zero, confused. 

Zero was still grinning.. "I am your guardian angel." He winked.

Jude chuckled. "Seriously? You just ruin the chick flick moment."

Zero laughed. "But really. If I had been given the opportunity, I want to be your guardian angel." Zero said seriously.

Jude was taken aback by Zero's sudden seriousness. He was touched and felt a little bit awkward. Okay. Maybe a lot.

Zero just smiled and leaned into his space. "Now you need to sleep. Sweet dreams." 

Jude should feel surprise when Zero kissed his forehead but suddenly he was too tired and sleepy to do so. In seconds, he was already in the land of dreams.

*****

"Jude." Zero tapped the brunette's cheek. (Well, not really since his hair still hasn't grown yet.)

"Wha-?" Jude startled.

"I asked you if picnic is fine tomorrow. What were you daydreaming about anyway?" Zero made his half-amused and half-concern voice again.

"Uh.. Nothing. Sure. I guess picnic is fine tomorrow." Jude brushed it off, looking pointedly at the television.

Zero threw a look at Jude that showed he clearly did not believe him at all but thankfully did not say anything.

"Okay, then. I guess we just prepare the ingredients and all that stuff tomorrow."

"Okay."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's kind of short. I'm sorry. There will be more of Zude in the next chapter.


	3. chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late. I have exams next week and I need to focuse in my study. But here it is. Thank you for keep staying with me.

Zero spreaded peanut butter and jelly evenly on each side of two breads. He put the breads together and cut it into two triangles with the same knife before handed it to Jude who put it in an air tight container. "There. That's the last one." Jude said as he closed the container and gave it to Zero who placed it in an old-fashioned picnic basket (because why the hell not, right?). 

"Yup. Now that everything is ready, let's change our clothes." He pulled Jude off the seat and into the bedroom. Jude sat at the edge of the bed as he watched Zero rummaging through his drawer and pulled out the appropriate clothes for Jude before pulling out his own (Jude had just woken up from an afternoon nap). He could have done it by himself but Zero had gently pushed him so that he sat down on the bed and was in front of the closet before Jude could say anything.

It should have been weird that Zero knew exactly where Jude put his things. It should have been weird that Zero pulled out his own clothes from Jude's drawer. But Jude did not say anything. Zero handed him a white t-shirt, a checkered red and black shirt (that Jude himself forgot he had one) and a pair of faded blue jeans. Jude changed his clothes while sitting, lifting his ass to get rid of his sweatpants and put on the jeans. By the time he was done, he looked up and saw that Zero had almost done changing into similar attire - the only different thing was that he wore a checkered blue and white shirt.

"What are we, boyfriends?" Jude raised his eyebrows incredulously.

Zero looked up from fastening his belt, grinning. He winked at Jude suggestively. "Do we look like a good couple?"

Jude rolled his eyes. Trying to hide his blush. Zero laughed. 

Apparently, he saw it. 

Jude huffed as he stood. He took his beanie on the nightstand and put it on. "Come on. Let's go before the weather turns bad or anything." He was already out of the room before Zero could give a reply.

* * * 

"Whoa!" Jude looked up at the huge truck. It was a simple black truck but it was shiny like it had just been washed. Maybe it did.

Zero laughed as he opened the passanger door for Jude."Yeah, I know. I borrow it from my friend. Now, hop on." Zero gestured with his head. 

Jude did so, excitedly. "I've never been in a truck before. It's so cool." He could not stop from looking around like a child who just entered Disney land for the first time.

"Glad to see that you like it." Zero hopped into the driver's seat with the basket. He made sure that Jude had already fastened his seatbelt before fastened his. Jude took the basket. "Did you just borrow this truck for this occasion?"

"Yup." Zero answered, popping the 'p'. He started the engine and drove.

"Why? I mean if we're just going to the park, you don't need to borrow this thing. We can use my car or yours."

Zero snorted. "Your car? Come on, I still don't believe you drive that junk all these years."

Jude twisted his body so that he could glare at Zero properly. His car had been the most useful car he ever had in his life. He went everywhere- grocery shopping, work, visiting his mom, meeting clients (although it did raise their eyebrows on the first time but Jude was fucking great in his work, so they didn't care. Hell, even some of them offered to buy him a car but Jude being Jude, had gently and politely refused). So, he felt offended for on his car behalf. "Excuse me! That 'junk' you said is my car that I bought with my own money. It have been such a loyal car as long as I remember."

Zero laughed. Seeing Jude being so worked up on a small thing like this was cute. "Okay, fine. No hard feelings. I'm just merely stating the truth."

Jude 'humph'ed and turned back, facing the front while still holding the basket, almost hugging it. He was not pouting. Not a bit.

Zero glanced at Jude seeing as the latter did not give any respond. He was struggling to hide his smile, not wanting Jude to see it. Jude was just too cute it was freaking hard not to coo at. "Okay-okay, fine. I'm sorry. I have no right to insult your car." Zero said with a serious voice but lost the effect seeing that he was smiling.

"You're not serious!" Jude swatted Zero's arm. It wasn't hurt but Zero cringed like Jude had swung a bat at him. "Ouch!" He said dramatically.

"Stop messing with me." Jude grumbled though he rubbed at the spot where he swatted Zero earlier.

"You're just fun to be mess with." Zero said in between his laughs.

Jude sighed. "You still didn't answer my question."

"What? Oh. We're not going to the park. There are too much people there."

"Then, where are we going?" Jude just realised that they actually had passed the park.

Zero took off his gaze from the street for a while to wink at Jude. "Somewhere~" he sing-songed.

"Aww.. Come on, tell me.." Jude tried coaxing him.

"Na-uh. You'll know it when you're there. For now, please enjoy the ride."

Jude sighed. "I'm not going to get this out of you, am I?" He shifted to look at whatever on the other side of the window.

Fifteen minutes later, Jude started to lose his patient. One cannot do much with just sitting in the car and watch trees passing by. "Where are we going exactly?" He asked exasperatedly. 

Zero's eyes was still on the road. "Just a little bit more. Give me 10 minutes. We're almost there."

Jude sighed. "But I'm hungry.." he pouted and rested his chin on the basket while hugging it. They did not eat any snack before starting their journey of course Jude would be hungry. Zero silently cursed himself. 

"Check inside the plastic bag. I bought some juices earlier." Thank god Zero had stopped to buy just that. They had forgotten to pack the drinks.

"Found it." Jude fished out an apple juice and tore the straw from its plastic. He poked the straw through the aluminium thingy and eagerly sucked the juice with the straw. 

"Are we there yet?" Now that he had his juice, he was bored and decided to annoy Zero. 

"No. Not yet." Zero glanced at Jude with the corner of his eyes.

"Okay." Jude said easily. He shifted again so that he could properly look the scenery and hummed.

A minute later. "Are we there yet?"

"Not yet, Jude" Zero grumbled.

"Are you mad at me?" Jude looked at Zero with big eyes, feigning innocent.

Zero sighed. "Of course not."

A minute and a half later. "Are we there yet?"

"You're really just messing up with me, right?"

"What? No. Why would I do that to you?" Jude gasped dramatically and looked at Zero like the blond had just grown another head on his shoulder.

"Don't look at me like that. I know you're messing with me." 

"I don't know what you're talking about~" Jude sing-songed.

"Jude.."

"Oh, look! Isn't that cloud look like an elephant? It's so big!"

Zero sighed. "Fine, you win."

Jude laughed, making a face of a child who knew he got the upperhand against an adult. "What do I win? Seriously, I don't know what you're talking about."

Zero sighed again. "We're almost there. We're already on the track." Indeed, they were not on a tar road anymore instead they were in a jungle-like track. Jude just realised this.

"Where are we going exactly? Wait, you're not kidnapping me, are you?" Jude laughed nervously.

They were getting farther and all Jude could see were trees everywhere. Zero did not being any helpful as he grinned evilly like a Cheshire cat. "Well, what if I am."

"No-no. You would not do that. You are not kidnapping me. You aren't going to trade me with the tribe in exchange of rare jewels and- and they aren't going to eat me." Jude rambled but he sounded like he did not believe anything he said at all. In fact, it was like he believed the opposite hundred percent.

Zero looked like he wanted to scare Jude more but he did not have the heart to do that seeing the terrified look on Jude's face. "Jude! Jude, stop!" He had to wrestle with Jude as the latter tried to open the door.

"I'm not-I'm not going to-" Damn. For a guy who had just undergone a brain surgery, Jude was strong when he was desperate. "For god sake just listen to me!"

Silence.

Jude looked at Zero with wide eyes, startled.

Zero huffed. "I'm not kidnapping you and I'm not going to exchange you to the tribe. I was just joking. Jeez." Although he didn't even know what tribe, Jude's face looked seriously scared of it.

Oh. 

Now Jude really wanted to get out of the truck out of embarrassment. 

Zero stared at Jude for a while, thinking about something that Jude was too busy being embarrassed to notice. Then, Zero sighed. "Fine. I meant to keep this a secret but I found this place one day and I thought its beautiful and all and I thought that it would be a good place for having a picnic."

Zero continued driving. "And for that purpose, we need to get through this track first before we go there. Only very few people know this."

Jude pouted. "Why didn't you say so earlier?"

"Don't you know what a surprise means?"

Jude pouted again. There was silence as Zero focused on driving whilst Jude who was now curious, looking around.

Suddenly, the silence broke. "What makes you think that I'm gonna sell you to the tribe?"

Jude huffed, annoyed. "You're not going to let this down, are you?"

"It's funny. Besides, it was the first time I heard that. What does it means selling people to a tribe?"

"Tribe?"

"Yes, that."

Jude rubbed his neck as he thought about what he said earlier. Seriously, he acted like a dumb. "Well, it is the tribe who eats people. We are going through these so many trees that was the first thing that came to mind."

Zero looked at him incredulously. 

"In my defence you look pretty scary and convincing earlier." Jude grumbled while blushing in embarrassment. 

Zero huffed a laugh and shook his head. "Oh, Jude.."

****

"Whoa!" Jude got out of the truck as soon as Zero parked it in the middle of what look like a field on a hill. He opened his arms wide and took a deep breath.

"This is amazing! It's so beautiful!" There were some place that were full of brightful flowers. They could see the city from here. He had no idea that 'the city of angels' were this beautiful.

"It is." Zero said. Jude looked at him and realised that the blond had already set up the picnic blanket-a good old-fashioned red and white. He sat down beside Zero who was taking out all the things they packed.

"How did you found this place?" Jude took a sandwich. He was starving. Zero took one too.

"Found it when I was searching for a place to jog."

"Isn't the park enough for you?" Jude asked curiously. 

Zero shook his head. "That is for my morning routine. This-" he gestured with his hand, "is for my weekdays. You know, just you and nature and no one else around. Found the track and I was curious then I found this."

Jude looked at him with envy. "I want to do that too."

"What? Jogging, here?"

Jude nodded as his mouth was full and drank his juice- this time it was grape.

"Jogging. With me and nature and fresh air.." he said dreamily. "I want to do that."

Zero gulped down his food. "You can do that once you're fully heal." He said as he searched for his drink.

"But that will be like years later.." Jude did not whine. His voice was a bit higher but he did not whine.

"A couple of months not years." Zero corrected with a laugh.

"But it's still a long time." This time Jude did not pout either.

"But it's worth it, isn't it? We don't want you to suddenly relapse when you start doing heavy stuffs so soon." Zero's mother henning was back. Jude sighed. 

"I guess so."

They ate in comfortable silence. Jude looked around in wonder, once in a while pointing at something to Zero. Zero looked content enough by just sitting there, indulging Jude with whatever the latter said.

Jude looked at Zero, smiling. "Zero."

"Yes?"

"Will you jog with me someday after I fully heal?"

A strange look was on Zero's face but it was gone as he cleared his throat. "Of course I will."

Jude smiled when brighter. "Good." With that, he turned to take another sandwich. He completely missed the sad look on Zero's face.

******

Jude took a deep breath and exhaled loudly. "This is really great. Thanks, Zero for taking me here." He smiled a thousand-watt smile at Zero.

"Oh. Well.. uh.. your welcome." Zero stuttered, rubbing his neck. His face was a little bit red, so faint that if one did not look hard, he would not see it. Zero cleared his throat. "Your welcome, I know you'll appreciate it anyway." He tried again.

They sat in a comfortable silence before Zero suddenly breaks it. "Want to hear a song?"

"Sure." Jude shrugged.

Zero stood and went to the truck. He opened the back door and took out a guitar. An honest-to-god guitar. He sat back beside Jude and gave the guitar to the latter to see. Jude clearly was not expecting this. He expected Zero to turn on the radio or something. He traced his fingers on the guitar. It was acoustic. It looked old but it was clear that the owner really took a good care on it.

"You can play guitar?" He passed the guitar back to Zero.

Zero strummed the strings. He shrugged. "A little."

Jude became excited. "You want to show me? Come on, play it!"

"Oh, well.. Okay. I just thought that.. I mean. When I go up here after I finish my run or when I have a time, I play this-" he patted the guitar once, "-here. It's not like I create a song or whatever, I just played the song that I know." Zero rambled.

"You're stalling. Come on, play something for me."

Zero shifted the guitar, so that he could hold it comfortably. "Okay. I have a special one just for you. Remember, this is the first time I sing in front of people except my sister and I'm not a singer, so don't criticise me too much." He cleared his throat.

"Hey Jude.." he strummed the guitar.

Jude looked at him incredulously. "Seriously?"

Zero shushed him. "I'm singing."

Jude raised both of his hands in surrender. Zero gave him a pointed look before he started again. This time as Jude focused, he was struck by the beautiful, lilting voice.

"Hey, Jude..  
Don't make it bad  
Take a sad song and make it better  
Remember to let her into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better

Hey, Jude..  
Don't be afraid  
You were made to go out and get her  
The minute you let her under your skin  
Then you begin to make it better

So anytime you feel the pain  
Hey Jude, refrain  
Don't carry the world upon your shoulders  
For well you know that it's a fool who plays it cool  
By making this world a little colder

Na na na na na  
Na na na nah..."

Jude was struck by the lyrics. He felt like the song was really meant for him. Of course, minus where he should find a girl part. Zero continued.

"Hey Jude  
Don't let me down  
You have found her, now go and get her  
Remember to let her into your heart  
Then you can start to make it better  
Better better better better better  
Oooohhh..."

Zero finished it with a little bit of guitar strumming and grinned at Jude whilst the latter looked at him in awe.

"I didn't know you can sing. You have a very nice voice. You should have get into audition or something." 

Zero put the guitar down. "Nah." He said simply.

"Why?" Jude was confused as to why such a talent would be waste.

Zero shrugged. "I just don't want to. Don't like singing in front of people I don't know. So, how was it?"

Jude smiled. "You're really great. I sort of feel it."

Zero grinned again. "That's why I said it's special just for you. But what do you mean by 'sort of feel it'?"

"I mean like I mostly feel related to it except for some things." Jude explained.

"Like what?"

"Like telling 'Jude' to find a girl and all of that." Jude started picking on the grass.

"Oh, so you mean that you don't want to find a girl or.... you're gay?" Zero guessed.

"Does it bother you?" Jude still did not look up.

"Bother me what?"

"That I'm gay."

"No, of course not." Zero did not hesistate to answer. He said it so fast that Jude looked up at him.

"Really?"

"Uhuh. Why, does it bother you that you're gay?"

Jude shrugged. "I don't know.. A little bit I guess. It makes me feel.. not normal."

Zero raised his eyebrows. "Not normal?  What makes you think that?"

"Because I'm different and they will be like 'oh, you're gay!' and then they started to treat me differently. Especially most of the men, I mean male agents in my agency. My clients are okay with it surprisingly and that is what I'm thankful for. They don't care about their agent being gay, they just want their things to settle."

Zero put his hand on Jude's shoulder. "Just forget what people think. I don't mind."

Jude looked up at him, searching into Zero's eyes to see if the blond was lying. He found none but still felt the need to ask. "Really?"

"Jude, you're gay. Be gay." Zero grinned at him brightly.

That was when Jude realised that he had fell in love with the blond. Damn. He just knew the guy for almost a month ago and now he was falling for him. On a straight guy no less? But how did he know that Zero was gay or straight? He was just making assumption here. But if Zero was really straight, Jude would have been heartbroken. Again. He did not think he would get up again if it do happen. He had been hurt enough.

Other than that, if Zero was gay, he might have a chance or they could just be friends. But were they friends? Zero had moved into his apartment, declaring that Jude should be under supervision. Well, that was probably true as Jude was still healing. But what about the times they slept together? Jude was responsible for that. He was the one who asked Zero to sleep with him when the blond had complained about the uncomfortable sofa (Jude had changed his guest room into an office ages ago). If all of that were coincidences, what about the times where Jude woke up by Zero attached to his back, being the big spoon? What about the lingering touches, the looks they thrown at each other when they thought the others would not notice? What about Jude's head that always found itself in Zero's lap with the latter's fingers softly caressing his scalp? Were that a sign or something or Jude was just imagining things?  

"Jude!"

Jude was startled by the sudden noise. "Wha- what? What happens?" He sat up straight, looking around frantically. When he saw nothing, he turned to look at Zero and was met with a concern look.

"I called you many times. You were distracted. Why, is something wrong?" Zero voice was laced with concern. Then, his face light up in realisation. "Right! You still hasn't have your meds yet. Wait." Zero rummaged through a bag they bought and took out the meds.

Jude accepted it and downed it all in one gulp. Zero made a face.

"Don't do that, you'll gonna choke on it." He reprimanded.

Jude shrugged. Seeing this sudden weird attitude from Jude, making Zero worried again. "Hey, what's up? Do you feel tired now? Wanna take a nap or do you wanna go home?" Zero placed a hand on Jude's cheek and tilted it so that Jude had no choice but facing him. The gesture seemed so innocent and yet.. not many guys have this kind of interaction toward each other. Jude pondered again if he was misreading all of these as he worried his bottom lip. Instinctively, Zero rubbed Jude's lips.

"Don't do that. Come on, tell me what's bothering you."

"Can I kiss you?" Jude blurted. God, why was he so dumb? Asking a guy like that when you did not know his sexuality could be insulting for some people. He resisted the urge to face palmed himself.

Zero looked startled by it but then he smiled. Jude noticed it was not fake instead it was kind of relief. "That's it? I thought it was something else." Zero exhaled in relief.

"Well, it was kind of serious.. I mean I don't know you play in which team but when I thought about the days we spent together, I think that you might be.. uh.." Jude started to chicken out. "Forget it. I don't even know what I'm saying right now. God.." Jude pulled away from Zero's hand and hid his face with both of his hands.

He felt Zero gently trying to remove them, he struggled at first but Zero was insistent, so Jude reluctantly let him. As he looked at the blond, he saw Zero smiled at him, honest and reassuring. 

"I don't mind, Jude. I would love to. In fact, I bet your lips must be really soft."

"So, you really don't mind?" 

Zero shrugged. "I've been with men, women and men and women. Wait, let me make a correction. It sounds like I am a playboy or something. It's just a few of them. You can count by one hand. It was long time ago when I was in college. You know, experimenting and horny as fuck."

Jude gulped. Oh god, now he could not help himself but thought of Zero's naked body, sliding with others, skin slick with sweat and.. Okay, better not go there.

"What about now?"

Zero shrugged again. "Now I don't know. I don't do relationship because I don't know how to handle it. After college, I was distracted by other things, you know. Finding a job, taking care of my sister.. I didn’t found anyone at that time."

"And now?"

"Well, there's this guy that I like." Zero stared straight into Jude's eyes. Jude gulped.

"What is he like?"

Zero thought about it for a while. "Well, firstly this guy is such a workaholic. He can't do nothing for too long. He will get restless. He needs to do something. And he always tense."

Jude cringed inside. Was he talking about him and was he really that bad? Zero continued. "And then, he's cute. He's hot. He's kind, honest.. A whole package of what people are searching for in a partner for life, boyfriend, husband or whatever you like to call it."

No. Jude was sure that was not him. He was not cute nor hot. Well, he tried to be kind to everyone even though he would be step on later. 

Zero continued. "And I'm looking at that guy right now. So, I want to know." He paused to let the words sank into Jude. "Can I kiss you right now?"

Jude did not trust his voice right now, so he just nodded. Then, Zero hand found the back of his neck as the blond pulled him in for a kiss.

It might sound cliché but it felt so right. It was a slow and honest kiss. When they kissed the second time, their tongues danced against each other.

They pulled away, rested their forehead against each other and stared into each other's eyes.

"And also.." Zero added.

"Hmm?"

"My name is Gideon."

Gideon. Jude remembered reading about it in history book he found in his college library. Gideon was a name of a warrior.

Jude pulled away from Zero to see his whole face. Zero smiled at him, all honest.

Jude smiled. "That's a nice name. It's nice to finally know it." He waited for a beat. "Gideon." 

Jude decided that he like how the name rolled in his tongue.

**** 

They started packing as the sun was setting, basking the sky with red and orange. As soon as Jude got into the truck, he started to feel tired- post-effect after all the emotional roller coaster earlier. He yawned.

"If you wanna sleep go ahead. I'm surprise how you're still awake. You had your medicine, I think it's starting to work." Zero said, getting into the truck. He made sure Jude had put on his seatbelt before he starts driving. The track was a little bit hard to go through when it was dark so he better be safe than sorry.

"Thanks for everything, Gideon. I can't thank you enough. That was so amazing." Jude smiled sleepily.

Zero smirked. "What, the kiss or the picnic?"

Jude rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

Zero pretended to think about it. "Do I?"

"Shut up." Jude said with a laugh.

They sat in a comfortable silence and in a short moment, Jude fell asleep.

\---In Jude's dream (more like a flashback)----

"Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" Zero asked. It was clear in his voice that he wanted Jude to change his mind.

"I'm sure, Zero." Jude hid his nervousness with a smile. He was sure if he showed even a glimpse of it, Zero would followed him around like a puppy. He did not want that. He needed to do this by himself. He wanted to meet his dad before the surgery. If by any chance the surgery gone wrong, he would not regret this.

"But what if you suddenly collapse?" Zero tried again.

"I don't think that will happen. But if it do happen, there are people in there, you know. I'm sure they will call ambulance or something." Jude assured.

Zero looked like he would drag Jude into the car and race home but he did not, instead he said worriedly, "Fine. But are you really sure you don't want me to go with you?"

Jude suppressed his sigh. "Yes, Zero. I'm sure. Look, I'm going in now. I don't want to waste more time." he went to the main door.

Entering the house, he could not help but think what if he live here with his mom all along? What if his mom never leave Oscar? With the servant's help, he found his dad in the office.

He was about to knock the door but then he chickened out. What if Oscar was busy? He did not want to disturb him but surely he would have time to listen to his son telling him that he was sick, right? 

Finally after a minute of thinking, he decided it was now or never. He took a deep breath and knocked the door. He heard a grunt which he took for 'Get the hell in' and opened the door. He was glad to see that Oscar was reading a newspaper. Not busy then.

"Oscar, have a second?" If Oscar was surprised to see Jude, he did not show it. Jude took the silence as a sign to continue. He took a deep breath.

"I finally decided to tell you something. Something I want to tell you before anything happen."

Oscar folded the newspaper and put it on the table. "I know." He said simply. Jude was confused.

"You do?" How did he know? 

Oscar stood, walked to where he put his alcoholic beverages, poured some in a glass. "Before the ground breaking, I had Olivia being followed. I know she met with you. I assume she was holding thing over you trying to get you to turn against me." He sipped on his drink.

'That was it?' Jude thought. That was ages ago. It have been settled anyway. Besides, it was not like he would turn against Oscar. He lived to serve for him, to make Oscar see how he was becoming someone that would make his father proud.

"Yeah." He shook his head. "But that was ages ago. And I would never turn against you."

Oscar snorted. "Like I believe you." He mocked. "I don't really know you, Jude. What if one day you do exactly that?"

Jude looked solemn. Why his dad did not believe him? "No. I would never-" He could not finish his sentence as Oscar cut him off.

"Also, I know you have a regular visitor. A gentleman." He said as he sipped on his drink.

Jude was thrown off by the sudden change of topic. 'My neighbours? Did he stalked me all this time? But for what? For making sure I don't do anything behind his back?' Jude thought solemnly. He thought after all he sacrificed until now, his dad had finally see something in him. Oscar continued.

"Apparently your walls were thin. The two of you.. rather loud."

Lucas. Jude realised. He had invited Lucas into his apartment couple of times around the time the Olivia case happened. He met Lucas in a bar, stressed with all the shits that kept piling on him. It was just supposed to be for one night but Jude was lonely. He wanted to feel a warm body even though they were only fuck buddies. Eventually, Lucas had to go to the other state for his job and Jude was alone again.

Jude gulped and braced himself. He was not ready to tell his dad that he was gay yet. People just starting to accept it. He did not want it to become awkward. He must looked like a deer in a headlight.

"If you thought confessing your secret gay life was going to bond us, then you know me as well as I know you." 

Ouch. That.. was really hurt. How did it become like this? Jude was trying to hold his tears.

Oscar continued, "Your mother was a simple woman who knew the limitations. See that it's too small the big life I was making, so she gave up and moved on." He looked at Jude, eyes cold and heartless. "You've been trying to take after me. You should try to take after her."

Jude snorted. That was what his mom told him. 'Don't be like your father. He is too far up his ass being an asshole. Don't waste your time like this, Jude.' But Jude did not listen and look at what was happening now.

"You will never have my approval." Oscar voice was harsh and cold. The man turned back and walk to his seat.

No. He did not just say that. After all these years Jude had sacrificed for the man. He breathed shakily. "Dad. I-" Jude could not finish his sentence as he was startled by Oscar who suddenly turned to look at him, eyes cold.

"I don't have a son." 

Silence.

Jude stared. He could not believe what he just heard. His dad. The only man who had been his reason to be where he was had just.. just did not acknowledge him as his son. Jude breathed shakily. It was so hard to hold the tears.

"I assume that's all you came to say." Oscar said simply like he didn't just caused Jude to almost regret being alive at all. Almost.

Jude took a deep breath and exhaled it shakily. He felt suddenly exhausted. "Yeah. That's all." He worried his bottom lip, looking like he wanted to say something but then he turned and left. After all, what use of it if he tell Oscar about his sickness after the man had clearly saying that Jude did not mean anything to him, right?

It took all of his energy to drag his feet to the main door. "Jude!" Zero called as soon as he saw Jude. He had been waiting at the main door when Jude was inside.

Jude knees suddenly buckled. He did not have the energy to hold himself upright anymore. Luckily Zero caught him in time before his face hit the floor, yelling worriedly all the way.

"I.. want to go home.." Jude managed to rasp out.

Without waiting for any second longer, Zero picked Jude up bridal style and walked effortlessly regardless of the weight toward the Porsche. 

As soon as they were out of the main gate and in the car, Jude cried himself to sleep.

\---- end of the dream (flashback)----

"Jude."

Jude opened his eyes slowly. His face was facing the window so he could see that they have reached his apartment. He slowly sat up straight. A movement on his right made him looked up at the said source. It was Zero with hand posed mid air. He might be the one who woke him up. Then, he saw Zero's face suddenly frown in concern.

"Jude, what's wrong?" Jude did not understand what Zero meant but before he opened his mouth, Zero had reached out a hand and wiped off his tears. God, he did not even realised that he cried in his sleep. His dream was a true event that happened just a day before his surgery. It was almost a month ago but it felt like it just happened a while ago. Jude took a shaky breath but he let Zero wiped all of his tears off.

"Nothing."

Zero frowned again. Jude decided that he did not like that look on the blond's face. It wasn't right. "It's not nothing that makes you cry in your sleep."

"I don't know why but I was dreaming about Oscar telling me that I'm not his son." Jude decided to tell Zero the truth. He was there too so he knew. 

Zero's frown this time was full of anger. "You mean the last time you went to his house?"

"Yes." Jude sighed. He felt tired and emotionally exhausted, thanks a lot to Oscar.

Zero placed a hand on Jude's shoulder. "Forget about it, Jude. He's not even your father from the start. He's just a sperm donor. Not more than that."

Jude sighed again. "Right.. I'm tired. Let's go home." Jude tried to unbuckled his belt but failed, being too tired for his hands to work properly. Zero helped him unbuckled and get out of the truck.

"Come on. Get on my back." He said, almost squating in front of Jude. 

"No. I can walk by myself."

Zero sighed somewhat managed to sound fond and exasperated at the sime time like he always did when Jude was being an idiot, tiring himself. "Jude, you can barely stand straight. If I think I can't handle it, I won't offer."

Jude gave up arguing with Zero. When it comes to this, he just never win. He bend down and hooked his arms around Zero's neck. Zero held both of Jude from behind his knees and stood up at the same time. "There you go."

"Sorry for bothering you." Jude mumbled. His face was close to Zero's right ear.

"It's fine, Jude." Zero left the picnic basket and other things inside the truck and piggy-back Jude into his apartment. Once in a while, he jostled Jude upward as the latter started to slide down. The movement made Jude woke up from his almost sleeping state before he started nodding off again.

Not much to be said, Jude woke up the next day, feeling as refresh as he ever feel for a long time and found himself being he small spoon again. 'Well, I can get use to this.' he thought as he snuggled into the warm embrace.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It may be a little bit confusing but just bear with me, okay? All of it will be reveal in later chapter.
> 
> Also, this chapter is based on Jude's point of view.

It was Friday. Zero did not go to work on that day. He only worked on Monday until Thursday, from morning until afternoon. And how did Jude know that? Well, because Zero had practically lived with him in Jude's apartment since his surgery. Seriously, Jude was surprised that Zero didn’t sell his own apartment and moved his things into Jude's already. Anyway, since it was already lunch time, they decided to cook pasta together as that was the only thing they found in Jude's kitchen. Jude really needed to go grocery shopping soon.

They worked in a comfortable silence, chatting occasionally. As everything was done, they set up the counter together (living alone, Jude did not have a table). 

"Wait." Zero said as he stood suddenly. Jude hands halted from their way to the cutlery. "What is it?" He looked up at Zero who was opening the fridge. 

Zero did not answer at first but then he took out a big bottle of blackcurrant juice and put it on the counter. "Since you still can't drink alcohol, how about we pretend this as a wine?" He winked.

Jude smiled. He almost forgot how hopelessly romantic Zero was. "Sounds great to me."

"Anything for my boyfriend." Zero winked again.

Jude blushed. Right. They were a thing now. Boyfriends. Zero had asked him that almost a week ago after their kiss. Jude had never have a relationship with someone. It was usually a one night stand. He felt really happy and special. Like he mattered to someone and that someone was Zero.

"Oh wait." Zero stood up again. This time he went to the cabinet.

Jude groaned. "What is it now?" Seriously, he was so hungry he could eat a baby elephant.

Zero laughed. "We should use glasses that specifically made for drinking wine don't you think? Considering that we 'are' drinking wine." He flashed Jude a big grin and continued searching for the said glasses.

"They're in the top cabinet."

Zero opened the said cabinet and sighed. "Why did you put it so high?" He whined.

"Well, mainly because I can reach it." Jude teased.

"You- I'm only shorter a few inches than you."

"What? I didn't say that you're short at all. I was just merely stating the truth." Jude laughed. 

"You, Jude. Are. Evil." Zero said as stood on his tip toes, trying to reach the glasses. He managed to touch one of the glasses on his first try. He tried to get them by hopping. This time he managed to pull a glass out but he accidentally knocked the others and two of them fell off the cabinet. In his haste of shielding his own face, he slipped and fell.

All of these happened in just a few seconds but to Jude it was like watching in slow motion. He stopped breathing when Zero slipped and fell. His heart stopped beating when he saw the glasses fell onto Zero. The sound of glasses broken was so loud, making his ears ringing. He could not hear anything else other than his own fast beating heartbeats and the ringing.

He saw images flashed in front of him; Zero ran across the court, wearing a red basketball jersey, slipping through other players and slamming the basketball into the net. He only had his eyes on Jude, grinning at him and shooting of a wink that make Jude feels like he's a highschool teenager again. Then, Zero was kissing him in the court, in front of everyone. Zero in a photo shoot session, looking as hot as ever. Then, someone stumbled into a prop. The heavy props suddenly falling on Zero. Zero who his eyes were only on Jude, didn't even manage to react until it was too late.

Jude opened his eyes as he heard Zero's voice. His mind was only on Zero. He had to make sure that the blond was okay. That Gideon was okay. 

He saw Zero looking down at him worriedly, yelling his name over and over again. He just realised that he was on the floor. Zero was craddling Jude in his arms. 

"G-gideon.." Jude managed to let out.

"That's right, Jude. I'm right here. I'm with you, Jude. I'm fine but you're not. Tell me what's wrong." Jude could see that Zero was freaking out. He had tears in his eyes. Then, flashes of images came back to Jude. It terrified him.

"Are you okay?"

Zero let out what sounded like a chocked snort. "I'm the one who should ask you that. Are you okay, Jude?"

Jude smiled tearly. "I'm glad you're okay. Please don't leave me again." 

"Jude, what are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere. I'm right here, Jude."

Jude's head started to hurt again. The ringing that was almost gone a while ago was starting again. There were flashes of images - of moments starting to come at him at a full force, begging him to remember the thing that he did not remember doing before. They were too fast. It was all too much for him and everything went black.

\-------00000000-------

Jude was dreaming. He dreamt of him and Zero mostly. He was in a restaurant in Ohio, meeting Zero for the first time. He was a junior agent and this was a great opportunity for him. Zero was a rising basketball star player and a very talented one at that. He have to convince this guy to come with him to LA- to his father's team and he was nervous. He had read this guy's file; Zero. Surname; unknown. Jude knew that was not Zero's real name. Like seriously, who named their son 'Zero' after all? He had some rumours about involving himself with prostitution. Although, Jude did not know they were true or not, he knew that he had some strategies to crush  it down. He was Jude Kincade after all. He just hoped that Zero was not that kind of stuck up client that he sometimes met, although according to the file, he sort of sounded like that.  

But then, he lost all of his nervousness at the mere sight of the man. He decided that he could not really trust everything about his client from the file. Zero was an enigma. Sure, he did flirted with the waitress, winked at some ladies who passed by and he even flirted with Jude for god's sake. At least, that was what Jude thought. But being an agent that was so damn great in his job, Jude had trained himself to be observant- to read people. It was not like he could read their minds, it was like most of the times, Jude could see either they were faking it or not. He could see that Zero was not like the man written in the file he read. He could see a well put on masks, secured with years of experience. Zero's body language was in sync with his action and words like it was his default when interacting with people. 

But in all of that, Jude could see that Zero was a good guy. He could see the genuine in the blond's action. Zero genuinely curious of Jude and wanted to know more of his agent. Jude thought they would work well together. All of that added with some flirting on Zero's part had made something fluttered in Jude. It was a miracle that Jude could keep himself cool and professional.  
                           
The scene changed. They were in a limousine. Zero was distressed about Ahsha and Jude tried to comfort him.

"I was team Zero before and I'm team Zero now. We're in this together. I will never leave you." Jude reassured Zero. This was nothing. The game Ahsha was playing on Zero was nothing. He knew they could get through this..

"I know you wouldn't, you never have. I don't know what to do without you, Jude." Zero admitted, putting his hand on Jude's knee.

It was in the heat of the moment. Jude did not know why he did it but he had already kissed Zero before he even process the fact that he was kissing him.

It was Zero who sort of pushed him away that made him realised that. "Jude, you're gay!" Zero exclaimed.

"What? I'm not gay." Jude spluttered. Idiot. Then, what was the kiss before about?

"You kissed me." Zero insisted, like Jude was not there when it happened.

"No, I didn't." Come on, Jude. Think of something.. "You were upset I just-" 

Zero interrupted. "-Kissed me on the mouth. Jude, it's cool. You're barking at the wrong tree but clearly barking."

"I'm not barking at anything." Jude still tried to deny.

Zero, that jerk just smiled at him somehow managed to look smug and reassuring at the same time.

"Jude, it's fine. You're gay. Be gay." Zero said. He patted Jude's thight twice before getting out of the limousine, leaving Jude yelling behind him; "I'm not gay!"

                      -----

Jude went to the court to see the progress of the photo shoot that he schelduled for Zero and Derek. He was surprised to see Zero was not a part of it. Instead, he found Zero sitting on the front benches, fully clothes. The blond was watching -more like glaring- at Derek and Terrance getting oiled up by Ahsha and Jelena.

Jude approached Zero and asked why the hell he was sitting and not in the shoot as the shoot was important. Zero just responded that he was knee deep in prostitution as the rumours say (it's a fact actually), who would want him in the shoot?

Jude just sighed and approached the photographer's assistant. "He's getting in." He said. No need to tell who as they both knew who 'he' was.

The photographer's assistant denied, saying that they have already begun. 

"You'll better get started then unless you want me to pull Derek." Jude demanded.

The photographer's assistant seemed annoyed but he did go to the photographer, passing on Jude's demand. When the photographer agreed (albeit forcedly), he called Zero over.

Jude went back to Zero. "Get in there." He ordered.

Zero quickly rose from his seat and starting to pull off his shirt, not even hiding the excitement and happiness in his movement. 

"You sure you're not doing this to get me naked?" He looked smug.

"Haha." The sarcasm was clear in Jude's laugh.

"Wanna oil me up?" Zero teased smugly, unshamedly flirting with Jude. 

Jude just snorted. Although he really did not mind at all, it was unprofessional for him- a junior agent- to do that. But he did indulged himself by staring at Zero's back while the latter was pulling off his jeans while backing him.

                       -----

They had a Devils' party that night. Jude was already dressed when Zero knocked the door.

"Why aren't you in dress? We have a Devils' party to get to. Everyone's gonna be there." He asked upon noticing Zero's shirt and jeans. Zero acted like that was his damn apartment, sitting leisurely on Jude's sofa. 

"Not really in a party mood." He answered, picking up a magazine that was on Jude's coffee table and flipping through it.

Jude explained the strategy - that Zero going to the party will be the first step to achieve the goal. He needed to connect with other players. "You have no friends in the locker room, you need them."

Zero acted like he did not hear Jude, still flipping through the magazine. Jude got annoyed, so he snatched the magazine and dropped it on the coffee table. "I'm still your agent, you still need to listen to me for wanting to fix this." He said firmly.

Jude gulped as Zero looked at him- more like inspecting him. It was like Jude was transparent under that gaze.

"You seem antsier than usual. If I didn't know any better, I think you have your own reason to go to this party." Jude was right. Zero had seen through him.

He considered telling Zero. He did not know what Zero's reaction would be. But then, it was not like Zero would get jealous would he? He had not said anything related to Jude's action in the limo, all he did were just teasing Jude and flirting with him. Did that mean that the feeling was reciprocated? But Zero flirted with everything that have legs, didn't he?

"I maybe told someone I'll be there." He decided to tell the truth.

"Who?"

"Danny, the photographer's assistant from the shoot." Jude felt guilty, like he had betrayed Zero somehow.

Zero did not seem to bother. He just scrathed his neck and said, "I don't want to go to some party where people are gonna be hissing me. Especially if Ahsha's gonna be there. She's the one who brought this on me to begin with."

Jude thought that was a good reason. "That's an even bigger reason for you to go. For PR's sake you have to forgive her too. And going to this party will only help you." Jude stood still, waiting for Zero's reaction.

Zero seemed to be thinking of it but then he grimaced at whatever he was thinking. "Forget it." He said as he picked up the magazine he was flipping through earlier and resumed what he did.

Zero had gave into Jude's insistent eventually. He tried Jude's shirts one by one like they had all the night to get ready. Jude came into the room, take a look on Zero before putting the phone on the table.

"You look pretty. Come on, we have Devils' party to get to."

Zero turned to look at him while putting on a shirt (Jude's shirt), mocking, "I'm sure 'Danny the photographer's assistant' will be fine." Jude could practically hear the jealousy in there but quickly doubted it. Anyway, he was not the one who back off before knowing the truth or at least close enough to it.

"Sounds like you're jealous." He crossed his arms on his chest, daring Zero to argue. And of course he did.

"Really, Jude? What's next?" Zero mocked, saying something about double whatever. 

Jude tried to see through Zero's facade. "Do you not want to go to the party or do you not want me to go to the party?"

Zero looked at Jude like he was an idiot before making an act of looking around. "No one's stopping you."

Jude could not see through Zero's mask. Besides, he was tired of this. Tired of hoping and waiting for what he wanted to actually come true. Tired of hoping that all of Zero's flirting with him actually meant something and that it was not the blond's default when interacting with everyone. If Zero was going to act this way, then he made his thoughts clear.

"You know what? Have your way. Danny's waiting." He said as he made to walk pass Zero. He could not though as Zero suddenly stopped him from doing so. Jude took a step back and looked at Zero, waiting for the blond to continue.

"You don't even know that guy." Zero said, looking straight into Jude's eyes.  For a second, Jude saw a weird look on Zero's face. Strange. Zero was anything but not confident. 

Anyway, Jude did not dwell on it. "I'm about to."

Jude started to walk passed Zero again but Zero suddenly attacked him with a kiss. Jude was surprised. His hands fluttered uselessly, unsure of what to do before finding its way to Zero's arms, slowly moving to hold Zero's neck. 

Zero backed Jude to the wall. Their mouths separated only for them to rip each other's clothes off. 

They ended up not going to the party. 

                       ------

It was not a walk in a park after that. Zero had declared with a smug face that he, Zero, did not do relationship. And, wow, that did not just break Jude's heart at all. Sure, Zero had sex with women, men and also with both women and men but he did not do relationship.

Days passed. Shit happened which translated as someone was murdered by an unsub. Jude was stressed- with the police up his ass about the case and even an idiot knew that they suspected him. Jude did not murder the victim but he did not have any alibi when the murder happened.

Jude was also surprised. Zero had the chance to bring Derek down but he chosed not to. Zero had overheard Jude's and Derek's conversation about the cocaine and them being an alibi for each other as both of them did not have an alibi for the murder case. Zero could easily crushed Derek but if he did, Jude would be hurt too. He couldn't tell the police about that because if he did, Jude would be caught too. Not for the murder but for the drugs. And he could not do that to Jude- the only person he trusted. That was what he told Jude. 

Zero was in the locker room when Jude came onto him. Jude told Zero that he had enough of having people's shit thrown at him. He had been giving everything that he had but not once did anyone reciprocate that. He had been reaching out for years but no one ever reach back. Zero did not do relationship and that was not what Jude wanted.

"Gideon." Zero said, stopping Jude from walking away.

Jude did stop. Startled and curious that Zero suddenly shouted someone's name. "What?"

"That's my name, Gideon."

"Well, I would love to bring Gideon out on a date someday." Jude said and left. He gave Zero some times to think.

It had been getting well for them but that was just for a while. Then, their relationship seemed to fall apart. Long story short, Jude had stopped being Zero's agent. It was too much for him anyway. Being with the man you love while not being in a relationship. It was even harder when the said man flirted with everyone he met. One can only take so much pain before they eventually break. So, Jude thought 'enough is enough'.

But still, even though he got Oscar's place as the EVP, he still would not - could not, actually- go further away from Zero. He tried once but it was so painful. 

He found Zero outside of the building, staring at his own picture in display- now that Derek was out, he got in. Zero said that if it was not because of Jude, he would not have been at where he was. Jude was the one who made him shine. Jude tried not to fall into that. He told Zero that it was all Lionel, that she did that because he was a valuable member of the team. He tried to go away as fast as he could. Zero called him out for it.

"A valuable member of the team?" He said incredulously, following Jude. "I mean, you talk to me like I'm a stranger. After everything I did for you?"

"You either refuse to get it or you never will." Jude said. He was about to open his car door when Zero suddenly announced;

"I love you."

Shocked. Jude could only turned around and stared at Zero. Zero looked like he was struggling to say the word but determined to say it.

"I love you, stupid."

"I love you too." Jude said honestly. He saw Zero's smile. He felt sorry that he would crushed it with his next words but he did not stop. If he did, he would just get hurt again. 

"But even still, it doesn't matter." Jude said, shaking his head.

The smile fell off Zero's face.

Jude explained, not wanting to leave Zero just like that, "Love isn't enough. I need someone I can be with. Like a normal person. Someone who's able to be there for me in every way. Can you? Can you do that?" He looked at Zero. Even though he could predicted what Zero would say, he still foolishly hoping.

Zero thought over it before he solemnly shook his head. "No." He admitted gravely. 

That was Jude's answer. He got into the Porsche and drove out of the place quickly, wanting to bury himself under his blanket and not getting out of the bed ever again. He wanted to forget Zero but how could he, really? He even still drive the Porsche, the one Zero gifted him.

Then, Lucas came. Jude had stopped being an agent so the agency chosed Lucas to take over Jude's two important clients, Zero and Derek. The thing is, Lucas flirted with him and Jude thought 'why the hell not?'. It was not like he was with Zero anyway. It might help him to forget Zero easier though he still until that moment seriously doubted that would ever happen. 

The thing is, Zero did not make it any easier for Jude. He interrupted Jude and Lucas when both of them were discussing about things- well, actually Lucas inviting Jude for a date. Zero took Lucas' seat when the man was gone, looking pleased with himself, like he did not just interrupt what could be an important talk for Jude in moving on.

"You don't want to be the way I want you to be and now you don't want me to be with anybody else." Jude was torn and annoyed at the same time. Seriously, if Zero keep on doing this, he did not know how he would survive.

Zero caught Jude's hand when the latter wanted to pay the bill. He smiled smugly, gripping Jude's hand a little tighter for a moment before Jude pulled his hand back. Seriously, Zero would be the death of him.

He could not forget the closet incident. Zero had told him of how important he was to the blond. He appreciated that, really. The words that came from Zero's mouth were special. But then, after they hooked up in the closet, Zero still could not be the person he wanted. Zero was still avoiding.

Jude's night with Lucas was o.k. It was not as great as when he was with Zero but it was a progress. Though, he was scared that he might be a little bit -or a much- needy and neurotic. He still could not forget Zero. He started to compare Zero and Lucas but then he felt guilty for thinking of Zero when he was having sex with Lucas but he ended up still thinking about Zero even after he climaxed. He did not get any sleep that night, thinking how stupid he was acting.

The next day, Lucas had promised Jude to meet him after the game end. The game was in Devils' court and they won. Jude was genuinely happy for that. Zero and Derek were unbeatable when they play together. 

Jude had been waiting for Lucas in the court. So far he had not see him yet. He stood there a little over five minutes with the Devils' players and dancers being interviewed surrounding him. Jude's mind worked miles per hour as he started to doubt himself while still searching for Lucas in the crowd. Maybe last night was bad? Was he really too needy and neurotic? Damn, why did he not see that coming? He knew it. After all, who would want a man that was always tense and serious all the time? Even Jude himself did not want that.

Time passed and he was still there. The crowd was still loud and noisy around him. Jude thought maybe it was a little over ten minutes now. 

Jude saw Zero walking toward him. He only glanced at the blond, still searching for Lucas in the crowd. "I'm busy we talk later."

"Lucas didn't come." Zero said.

That got Jude's attention. He turned to face Zero. "Why not?" His stupid mind starting to overwork again.

Zero seemed to think of something for a moment before saying, "Because I told him not to."

Before Jude could even dwell on the thought Zero just put into his mind, Zero moved forward and kissed him.

Zero was kissing him. In the middle of the fucking crowd! In front of hundreds, nah, thousands of people. Undoubtedly, they caught the reporters attentions who were- of course- taking pictures and recording the moment. 

That thought too, Jude did not dwell on as Zero pressed harder. Just then, Jude started to return the kiss.

\-------00000000000--------

Jude woke up with a headache. He groaned. What a day to wake up with.

"Jude? You're awake!"

Jude felt the place where he was laying dipped, so he guessed he was in his bed. He opened his eyes and saw Zero peered down at him.

"Hey." He croacked.

Zero smiled, relief. "Hey, yourself."

"What happened?"

"You can't remember? Right, you just woke up, of course it might take a while." Zero muttered to himself. "What is the last thing you remember?"

"Uhhh.. I don't know.. We were cooking?"Jude answered with a question because he was not sure himself.

Zero nodded. "Yeah. We were."

"What happened?"

"You fainted."

"Oh, god. What actually happened?"

"Maybe you were shocked by what happened earlier?" Zero was more like talking to himself right now. Then, he looked at Jude's curious expression and explained, "I sort of had an accident and then you were shocked and I think you wanted to help me but you fell and hit your head.." Zero's voice trailed, seeming like he was playing back the scene. 

"Ohh.." Come to think of it. His head did feel kind of hurt. And that explained the cool sensation that he just noticed at the side of his head.

"Oh yeah. I dreamt of something weird earlier." Jude said, suddenly remembering his dream but not really all of it. Just bits and pieces.

"Hmm? What was it about?" Zero asked while he took what look like a soggy clothes from somewhere in Jude's left and the cool sensation was mostly gone. Zero felt the lump on Jude's head and looked please that they started to went down.

"It was about you and me actually. I don't really remember all of it. Just bits and pieces."

"Aww.. You even dreamed about me? Jude, you're so cute." Zero gushed dramatically, pinching both of Jude's cheeks.

"Cut it out." Jude said, laughing.

"Anyway, what did dream-me do in your dream?" Zero asked, making his index and middle fingers 'walked' on Jude.

"Some of it were sweet, some of it not so much."

"Yeah?"

"Uhuh. In my dream, you kissed me in front of hundreds of peoples. We were in a court for some reason. I think.. a basketball court?" Jude tried to recall back what he saw or more like experience in his dream. He did not realise Zero's fingers had stopped moving.

"What?"

"Yeah. That was really sweet." Jude said without looking at Zero. He was not looking at anything at all as he was replaying that moments in his head. He smiled dreamily but then, he pouted. "But then.. I don't know. I don't remember much. I think we were fighting? We were kind of together but not really together."

"Is that it?" Jude heard Zero ask, pulling him off from his thoughts.

"Uhuh. Like I said, they were bits and pieces." He turned to face Zero. "I don't really remember much but I like it when the dream-you kissed me in front of the crowd. I sort of can feel what the dream-me feel." Jude said, smiling.

Zero smiled back. "Hmm? What did you feel when I kissed you in front of hundreds of people?" He moved to straddle Jude's stomach and leaned down so that his face was a few inches from Jude. Jude sucked in a deep breath. 

"I.. I feel.." Jude was trying to form a sentence but Zero silenced him with a kiss. It was a slow and long kiss. That kind of kiss that made Jude chased after it when they parted for breath.

"Feel what, Jude?" Zero teased. He pecked Jude's mouth but when Jude angled his chin to an actual kiss, he pulled back. Jude let out a whine.

"Come on, Jude. Feel what? I'm curious now." Zero sing-songed.

"I feel special. Like everyone can see that we belong together." 

"Hmm? Really? You like it when people see we kissing? You like it when they know that you belong to me?" Zero trailed his mouth along Jude's neck to his collarbone. Then, he sucked on the sensitive spot on Jude's neck, earning a moan from the latter. 

"Zero.."

"What do you want me to do, Jude?" Zero had moved to Jude's side, teasing Jude with his hands. One hand was working on Jude's nipple while the other was slowly caressing Jude's tight. 

"Do you want me to put my fingers in you, slowly preparing you until you're ready? Until you writhe and beg under me, asking me to be inside you- to fill you up until you're so full you starting to beg me to move? To make love with you?" Jude shuddered, both by hearing Zero's words and the feeling of Zero's hands on him. 

"Z- Zero.. Gideon, please.." Jude exhaled shakily as Zero was slowly caressing the inside of his thight.

"Hmm? What do you want, Jude?" Zero kissed Jude, hungrily. Jude gasped when Zero grabbed his dick. Zero took advantage of it and pushed his tongue into Jude's mouth. Jude could not control his moans when Zero started rubbing and teasing his dick. It felt so good.

Jude gasped for air when they parted."I want you- I want you to make love to me." Zero was still teasing him. "Please, Gideon. I want you in me." Jude moaned.

That seemed to snap something in Zero. He started to pulled of his shirts, helping Jude with the latter's. 

He then moved downward to kiss Jude, slow and languid. The kind of kiss that made Jude moaned, overwhelmed by the feeling and start to chase Zero's lips when they were done.

They parted and stared at each other for a while. Both with longing and so much love that it was a surprise that they had not been blinded by them. Jude thought the man in front of him was like the man in hid dream who risked everything to prove that he loves Jude. The moment dream-Zero kissed him in front of other people, it meant that dream-Zero had threw cautions away and possibly everything he worked so hard for to not let Jude go away and that was.. that was so amazing. Even though it was in his dream. He felt what the dream-Jude felt. He had no doubt that this Zero would do the same as the dream Zero did.

It felt great. Never have anyone ever done a good genuine thing to him yet Zero who knew him for not as long as his father and friends, did. He stayed with Jude in the hospital. He had seen Jude when Jude was weak and not in his best form but he was still there. He was still with Jude. It felt like a dream for Zero to be here with him. He was not used to this but he was getting used to. It was a process. He loved Zero so much, so he was not going to freak out and push Zero away. Besides, it felt great to think that this sexy beast was his.

Their second kiss was intense. Zero started to grind his hips against Jude. And damn, it felt so good that Jude moaned, lifting his hips to grind against Zero's. Zero took advantage of Jude's opened mouth and stuck his tongue into it. They battled for dominance but then Jude gave up. He let Zero dominate him.

They pulled off each other's pants and boxers. Both could not hold on any longer. Both of them wanting to feel each other's skin and caressing each other as much as they could. It was their way of showing their affection in bed- teasing and feeling every inches of each other's skin, like they had all time for themselves to do that, like time stopped when they made love to each other. Nothing else could take it from them. It was only Jude and Zero. Together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.. What do you think?


	5. chapter 5

Zero stared at the sleeping form beside him. He was laying on his side with his head propped up by his hand. Jude looked so peaceful like this compared to his usual tense self, Zero thought as his mind wandered back to what had happened before. He shivered internally, thinking how scared he was when Jude suddenly fell down without warning whatsoever. The latter looked like he was in an intense headache. But before Zero could do anything, the brunette had fainted with his face scrunched in pain. Zero did not have the strength to erase whatever it was that made Jude like this but he could erase the pain that Jude felt. So, that was what he did. He put his index and middle fingers on Jude's temple and concentrated. Suddenly, there was a bright glow where his fingers and Jude's temple met. After a while, the glow dimmed and Zero pulled his fingers away, immediately searching for Jude's face. He was relieved as he saw the peace on the beautiful face of the man he loved. Although, Zero did left a little bit of it as he did not want to raise suspicion. It would be weird when Jude wake up and feel nothing despite that he had a bump on his head.

Zero slowly stood while taking Jude with him in his arms in a bridal style. He gently laid Jude on the bed before he started to clean up the kitchen. Then, he laid down next to Jude, staring at his boyfriend's beautiful face. Sure, it might look creepy but it had been so long since he got this opportunity and he was not going to miss it.

He thought of the first time when he met Jude. Jude was originally recommended by one of his fellow teammates in Ohio. Zero was planning to receive an offer for him to the Devils, the most well-known basketball team in LA. He was going to be the number one basketball player and Devil was a great platform for it. He had been on and off agents and he was in need of a new one, after firing the last one. The thing is, all of his former agents were bullshitters. They just know how to kiss asses and then do a halfasses works whenever he was involved in some rumours or shit. They weren't really there for him. That was why he had taken it to himself of managing his life (sort of- he still need an agent to help him with the sponsors, interviews and all). 

When he made a comment about searching for a new agent, his teammate, Brian, the only guy he was okay with in the team suggested Jude.

"He was my agent before I moved here and he moved to LA. He is a great guy- smart, the kind of guy that you can depend on. A little bit tense but he's a cool guy. And it might works for both of you, both being in LA and all."

Even though Brian was all kind and sweet, he was not the type of guy who get swayed easily, so hearing about this 'cool agent' from him was a big compliment. And hearing him talked about 'the cool agent' like this was beyond a big compliment. Brian practically adored the guy. That was why Zero decided that it was worth the try.

\-----

The first time they met was in a restaurant. He had called the 'cool agent' whose name was Jude Kincade a few days earlier. To say that the latter was surprised of the sudden unexpected call and request was expected as Zero had already told Brian not to tell Jude, he wanted to introduce himself. Jude had gone all professional after hearing, "No, this is not a spam and nor am I a con man." 

Zero told him about Brian and how he got Jude's number. Jude already had one client, Derek but he said he could handle another one as agents usually have more than one client. Zero had researched about all the teammates and people responsible in the arena - including the big boss, dancer and all (because of his paranoia) via wiki and gossips. No need to waste money on private investigator, there was not anything he wanted to know yet. He just wanted to know how to dance around these people.

"Are you in anyway related to Oscar Kincade, the big boss of The Devils?

Jude's clipped words answered, "Yeah, I'm his son but it's nothing to worry or care about."

"Whoa! Sensitive much? Did I hit on a sore topic?"

"Pretty much." Zero didn't know what to expect but  he could tell that Jude was being honest and that was a plus for him.

"Okay, sorry for that. So, if that doesn't interfere with your job, when can you start as my agent?"

The silence might be because of Jude's surprise- he might think because of whatever issue he got that Zero would immediately consider him a no-no  - but his voice after that was calm and professional. 

"Well, we need to meet first and talk about other things, mainly about what do you want me to do by being your agent, what your goal is, what you don't want to do and all. Of course we can do it right now but I think discussing this face to face is better."

"Okay, whatever you say, Kincade."

"It's Jude."

"Alright, Jude. So, when and where can we meet?" 

\-----

Zero knew that the man who just walked into the restaurant was Jude, thanks to Brian who showed him the selfies he and Jude took together. Man, he was such an attractive guy! The first few minutes they chatted before going to more serious matter were fun. Zero teased Jude, tenseness. Jude commented on Zero's wardrobe choice compared to the casual style and definitely non-fancy restaurant. They introduced themselves by playing 20 questions, even though most of it were in their files. It was needed to lighten up the mood.

"I don't think that anyone will name their son Zero."

"They didn't. I named me myself. You can call me Zero." Zero raised his coke in Jude's direction before sipping it, grinning smugly.

"Zero? Nothing else like real name or something?"

"It's the same thing that you don't talk about your father."

"Oh. Okay, then, Zero."

As they proceeded to discuss about Zero's arrangements -  how he would cope with the team, who to friend with and who he should stay away from, sponsors, interviews, things they agree, things they didn't agree and such - Zero thought, under those layers of tense and professional attitude, there was a brilliant man. He could see Jude's genuine of wanting to know him further, the strategies that were provided by a brilliant mind and most importantly the will to do this for Zero. This guy had seriously gave a strong impression to Zero. And damn, what a hot body he hid underneath that shirt. 

\----

Jude ended up being Zero's agent. It was only a couple of weeks but Zero had already felt like he made the right thing of requiring Jude as his agent. Jude was always professional in his work but he was also smart. He knew how to work his way around people- mostly to charm the clients or potential clients. He also knew how to just relax and enjoy free moments that, unfortunately, were almost a rarity. But even then, he was still sort of tense most of the times. But it was his charm that made him Jude and Zero liked it.

The important part was that Jude was always genuine around Zero. It threw him off a bit as all of his former agents were not really like this and he didn't know how to handle it but hey, it was what he always wanted so he embraced it. Also, he was continuously impressed and awestrucked by the agent.

It took him a while but he decided to make Jude as his personal agent, so he called Jude's agency and asked (well, demanded) to make Jude to only have him as his only client. And of course, who wanted to deny a rising superstar's demand?

Zero already had a lot being a star player in Ohio and now, you can only imagine how much he earned. That was why he had no problem whatsoever of buying Jude a car and an expensive one at that. He was Zero's and Zero's agent don't go around driving a junk. The only problem he faced was to find the right one for Jude and after a lot of thought, of which one suited Jude the most (and thoughts that caused him to change a new pants), he settled on a black Porsche.

Imagine how he felt on seeing Jude's reaction when he surprised the latter with the car. Jude was so happy and surprised. He said he couldn't imagine anyone ever doing that to him, giving him presents. In another way, appreciated him. Know why? Simple, because no one had ever done anything like that. Zero had read between the lines; Jude never had someone appreciate or acknowledge whatever Jude did to them. He said it so casually and almost dismissively like he just stated a fact that everyone knew except for Zero, like he had already accepted the thing he said, like he had made a peace with it a long time ago. It was sad hearing that.

Zero had gave Jude something that was nothing to the former (he could buy a new one even if the car only had a small scratch) but for Jude, it was different. It meant a lot to him that someone had gave him something nice. Zero thought that even if he gave Jude a box of chocolates or even a bouquet of flowers, he would have look at Zero as if Zero had plucked a star with his bare hands and gave it to Jude. 

And that was what made his heart ached. No one was supposed to feel like that. Not even him. Zero didn't want to born into a family that would only sell him eventually. But yet, he did and he had strived this far even without love. But it was fine. Looking back on his past, he thought it was fine. He wasn't a bad guy or anything but he wasn't a saint too. God knows what he had to go through to be at where he was today. But Jude..   
He was different. He was kind, genuine and generous and yet, the universe was so cruel that even a guy like him suffered, labelled as undeserved of anything good.

Zero vowed to change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry guys. I'm not abandoning this story. A lot of things had happened and i just needed to sort that out. It's fine now. Well, sort of. I also have assignments n homework to do and everytime i go back home, i'll just fall asleep. Dunno why..


	6. Chapter 6

Author note:

I'm in the process of writing and editing my story. I'm so sorry to the readers/followers of this story who was excited to read the continuation of this but ended up disappointed to see this instead. I'm just reassuring all of you that i am not abandoning this fic. It may seem as an excuse but the reason i couldn't continue this fic earlier is because of my exams. It needed a lot of my attention and i was stressed a lot that i could only wrote a little in my draft. I'm not sure that i did well enough. Anyway, i'm just asking please be patient with me. I'm working through it and i really want this story to be completed for all of you and for me.

Because i'm editing this story to make it smoother and the plot nicer and everything, i need to delete the whole thing. But i can't do that. I will continue this story in a new work. I will be editing the whole thing. Which means the story won't be in the next chapter but in a new work.

I don't know if i should change the title or not because i have an idea.. But i will let you know when the story come out. Don't worry. 

I'm sorry for making you wait. As a reader myself, i also feel unsatisfied to see a work uncomplete. I'm so sorry.

**Author's Note:**

> So... Can I get some kudos and comments, guys?


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